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Are You Disqualifying Your Ideas?

August 20, 2010

Adam and EveOur mind is full of ideas and ideals, which we have gathered from experiences, authority figures, and even the media. The influence that other people can have on us is astonishing. Our parents teach us their values, and even though we may disagree, we adopt them on some level. Looking back at our childhood, we may decide to create our own methods and values. Belief systems intertwine with the values of the world surrounding us in such a way our mind spirals. This can place us in a constant state of confusion as to what we should do. Somehow, we feel that we should do the thing that is right according to the values of our parents, church, or the media. On the other hand, we struggle with what we want and this causes an inner conflict. If what we want conflicts with a value we adopted but opposes a value we developed, I do, but I don’t thinking begins.

For example, your parents taught you to save money and be considerate of other people. They have instilled these two valuable ideals. At the time you adopted these values you were young. You may have disagreed with saving your money, and your parent thinking that you should, seemed double standard. After all, if they were considerate as they taught they would consider what you wanted; you want to spend your money. As an adult, you can clearly see the value in what they taught concerning saving and consideration of other people. This is where things get complicated. Christmas comes along and your children want things, and you want to consider them (I do thinking). The next value enters the picture, spending money (but I don’t thinking). I want to consider my children, but I don’t want to spend too much money. Alternatively, I don’t want my children to feel unloved, but I want to save money.

Being considerate of other people is a value and saving money is an idea. When we think that saving money is a value, our parents taught we become confused. Saving money is a recommendation derived at because of their ideals and experience. Back to the Christmas situation, which are your values and what are your recommendations. When you confuse the two you compromise what you desire. If you want to save money, you will hear that you should. If you want to spend money, you will hear you should. It is impossible to think about what you shouldn’t do without thinking about what you dislike or don’t want. This again is where our intellect spirals in an attempt to determine what is best. I do want my children to have a happy Christmas; I should spend money, but I don’t want to spend money (I shouldn’t be selfish). If you do what you want to do your children could disapprove? However, will you approve of your actions is the bigger question.

Sandra Hendricks, EzineArticles.com Expert AuthorTo keep this article from getting excessively long let me leave you with an experiment. Think of something that you want a horse, for example. Your mind will automatically begin to process the conception. It will begin presenting you with what you need to have, have to do, and can do. Now think of what you are lacking and what you dislike about the project and listen. Your mind will go along with anything you desire. The moment you conceive of one negative thought, your mind will tell you that you shouldn’t get a horse. Then it advices “You should forget the idea.” Then think but I really want a horse (but dis-qualifies this thought), your mind will start the process again. As soon as you think again, about what you want to avoid you arrive at what you shouldn’t do. Then your mind manifests what you should do, and this is the spiral effect of analytical thinking. Join me next time as we explore preferences and the positive effects.

“He that complies against his will,
Is of the same opinion still.” – Samuel Butler


3 Comments to “Are You Disqualifying Your Ideas?”

  1. [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Sandra Hendricks, Sandra Hendricks. Sandra Hendricks said: "Give & Get » Are You Disqualifying Your Ideas?" – http://bit.ly/bF7eir via @thisshouldhelp2 [...]

  2. I’m not sure I fully understand this post Sandra. (I am a bit sleepy, but I still want to comment on this post) I will tell how I understand and I will mention my solution, and you correct me if I understood wrong, ok?… I will focus on the first example, Christmas and savings…

    The problem.

    Two values. A value A) (to please children for Christmas is important) that you chose in the present moment and the value of B) (to save money is important) that you have from parents. The values are in conflict.

    The solution.

    In my opinion, the best solution for this “conflict of values” is simply to conscious determine the value. Have awareness of the choice, look at outcomes, and decide which outcome will make us happier.

    • Sandra says:

      There is only one problem as I see it and that is one of the indecision. We can be torn between what we want for ourselves and what we want for other people. The only solution is to determine what is important to us for an acceptable outcome (no should haves). We must turn our focus to what we want, and then we can find all our options. If I want to purchase Christmas presents for the children and want to save money it puts me in a more decisive perspective. If I want to buy presents, but I don’t want to spend money, I am already resistant to the suggestion. (I do want to buy presents, but I don’t is the problem).

      People struggle with this level of indecision daily even when it does not involve other people. If I want a dog I may think I should go to the pet store, the pound or look in the paper. If I think I don’t like cleaning up after a dog I am already thinking about what I want to avoid and my automatic thinking will say I should forget the idea. Consider this when you think of what you don’t want or dislike; what you shouldn’t do seem to be the solution. I watched my husband go through this process while he remained in his last job for five years trying to make up his mind. Many things come into play Marko. This article may shed some light…sorry for the confusion. How Can the Words, “I Shouldn’t Help,” Us?

      “In my opinion, the best solution for this “conflict of values” is simply to conscious determine the value. Have awareness of the choice, look at outcomes, and decide which outcome will make us happier.” Ultimately this is the easy solution, but some people have a hard time making decisions. Understanding why it is so difficult to make them is half the battle. There are many things that we can do to stop our indecisive thinking, you know you have done it.

  3. Thanks for the comment :) … I know what you want to say… “I watched my husband go through this process while he remained in his last job for five years trying to make up his mind.” — I went through something similar…