About: Sandra

A short time ago, I wrote an article about the difference between goals and intentions. Goals add a value to our lives and motivate us to improve our overall situations. Intentions, on the other hand, enable us to take vital action toward what we hope to accomplish. Too frequently, goals are set in place because of what we desire to avoid, setting us up for failure. It is impossible to take action toward what you don’t want, and setting a goal in place to avoid anything undermines intentions. You must find balance between these differences if you hope to succeed.

What we don’t want; it is significant because it helps us to determine what is really of value to us. Unless we understand what we prefer, we cannot move forward and accomplish what we aspire to do. Creating a list of things, you want, can help you set your intentions, which is the true motivator in your life. Say, for example, that you want to purchase a new vehicle and the means to do this require a goal. You may have to save a down payment, borrow the money, or even ask for help. If all the issues that you want to avoid begin inhabiting your mind, these become your intentions.

Start by making a list, and as you produce this, ask yourself the difficult questions. Is this something that will help me get what I want? Is this just something that I desire in hopes of preventing something else? These two questions, when answered honestly can help you decide what is important to you. The balance between goals and intentions comes into play with attention toward what you want. The balance between your wants and needs is the hidden factor to your motivation. You know that you can accomplish anything that you desire; you have done this before! Many things in this life seem hard to manage especially when the goal is set to avoid!

Accountability

Accountability for your own outcomes and a desire to blame another person cause you to avoid. Sometimes we delay making decisions until we feel forced, or we let someone else to make the choice for us. If we refuse to choose, how can it be our fault? Alas, this cannot prevent the results that we must bear – the liability.

Criticism

The thought of what other people will think, concerning the choices we make, can seriously stand in our way. This thought alone can cause you to go against your own goals and intentions. The fact is that you cannot avoid what other people think; this is outside of your control.

Rejection

The desire to have the approval of everyone is something that affects us all. This is one of the biggest factors when it comes to completing our goals. Unless we have the co-operation of other people, we are alone to our own devises. The fact is we need other people when it comes to accomplishing anything is this world. The idea of being turned down for a loan, or any request can and does stop us from applying ourselves.

Responsibility

Responsibility, while it is close to accountability, differs slightly. Commitment requires trust; unless we address the above issues and surmount them, we deny ourselves. We must grasp that we are the one who does our thinking and feeling! In the end, we live and breathe in the truth that we alone create. In addition, we design our own goals and purposes, whatever they may be.

Can you see the commonalities here? All the issues that stand in our way, that we endeavor to avoid, are, fear derived. The enlightened voices of the past had advised us to face our fears, and they will disappear. If we can just face and overcome these four integral anxieties, we can transform our intentions and reach our goals. Think about what you anticipate preventing and then take it a step further, thinking of what you desire to accomplish!

Do you find yourself disturbed by what other people think, say or do? Are you exasperated by the way that people seem to treat you? Does it seem like your life is outside of your control, more often than you would like? It could be that you suffer from the need to control or the need for approval. Seeking admiration from other people is something that we learn at an early age. We seem to have a real need for validation, in order to make us feel valued. The need for control also develops early in childhood, as nearly everyone is an authority in our lives. These two needs can leave you feeling as if everything is always about you.

Even at times when something has nothing to do with you, it is easy to convince yourself that it is. You may believe that something is your fault or responsibility when it is not. Inner-dialogue causes you to conceive that you are to blame or even that someone else is at fault. When you exercise inner-talk to nurture or rid yourself of feelings, you are thinking that everything is about you. At times like these, you become withdrawn and can turn away the people that you care about the most. These two traits are a form of manipulation to bring more control into your life through reproach. The good old silent treatment always gets the same results, and leaves us feeling cheated.

So how do we end this cycle of neediness and the low self-worth and little respect toward other people that go along with it? How do we let go of the idea that if we feel it then it is because of or directed toward us? Sometimes you need to step back and let go of the why in the issue. Why did that person lie to me? The simple answer may be “because they can.” Then again, you can run a hundred scenarios around in your mind, searching for an explanation. With each scenario, you add anxiety, which only increases the pressure.

There are several things that you can do to alleviate these childish needs.

• Let go of “pet peeves” (what you think other people should or should not do).
• Remain in the moment as much as possible (this requires paying close attention to your thoughts).
• Understand that each minute becomes the past – try not to dwell on what is finished.
• Tell yourself to stop it when you catch yourself utilizing inner dialogue – quiet your mind.
• Let your affirmative replies mean yes and allow yourself to say no – be decisive.
• Allow other people to make mistakes and affect their own destinies.
• Ask questions that will help you arrive at an understanding – improve your communication skills.
• Listen to yourself and other people without thinking about what you will say or do in a given situation.

I have known several Millionaires in my time, and they had various traits in common. Now you could assume that I am going to relate to you that they were positive thinkers and in some ways, they were. However, these men had more than that going for them. Some were educated and others had street knowledge with remarkably little educational background. I must add that they enrolled in the Service as young adults. How do we become wealthy? What exactly do we need to know? Primarily, we need to understand the human mind. Secondly, we must be agreeable to the hard work and providing a service to other people. If all else fails, knowing how to control the emotions of people seems to come in handy.

Different people have a number of methods that they employ to seize opportunities in their world. Some have the audacity to play on the concerns of others, and are highly adept at this, like marketing experts. Other people look for what is missing in the lives of those around them and commence to provide. The one thing that all self-made Millionaires have in common is the drive to work! They labor at thinking of new ways to do the old things. Another thing they have in common is that they listen…they hear nearly everything that goes on around them.

Does positive thinking and self-improvement play into the grand scheme of things…when it comes to making money?

Not necessarily, the men whom I know of that have made a significant amount, understood people. They knew what made them desire to purchase their product or service and what to express verbally to make it transpire. They knew how to read people as well as get individuals to do what they desired. These men lost their fortunes more than once and some lost their families too. Does the hard work and money make us happy? One woman tells me, that she recognizes firsthand what the answer is. At the age of seventy-four, she says that she would prefer to have very little money.

Their Main Commonality was the Priority to Make Money!

One man decreased his life span, although he left a fortune to his family, while another one labors from sun up to sun down. All of these men invested in the education of their children and provided decent homes for their wives. They started with nothing and between tenacity and diligence, developed a legacy! Were they positive thinkers and did they create joyfulness in those lives they touched? Hardly, these men were moody and became consumed with anxiety, worry and regret. Did they touch their loved ones with wisdom? Perhaps if the children were inclined to watch and learn from them the answer is yes.

Therefore, what is required to become wealthy in this universe anyway, you may be wondering? First, you have to develop the mind of a Millionaire, and the rest will follow. If you have a willing heart, you too can become a success. You must understand yourself first and then people will have the ability to know you. Trust in yourself and other people will place their trust in you too. Most importantly think positive, believe in yourself, and bring joy into the lives of those around you. Lastly, remember that a lot of hard work never hurt anybody.

The experts tell us that positive thinking is required if we want to succeed in any task. They also imply that negative thinking brings adversity into our lives. Injuries in the workplace occur most to those who dislike their jobs. These people are also inclined to become sick more often than their co-workers do. Negative thinking attracts the worst possibilities, and the most untimely happenings. Some say that bad things happen in threes and adversity is no exception! While we bring problems into our lives with misdirected thoughts, we can also attract positive energy to us.

Have you ever noticed that some people rarely call in sick and in fact, seem to enjoy the finer things that life offers? These people enjoy their jobs and their home life. We would assume these positive thinkers, carefree. This is usually not the case at all! Positive thinking people experience negative thinking and the stress that their minds create too. What is the major difference then? Most well minded individuals have a maintenance program, which consists of hobbies, and many activities.

They enjoy the days at work just about, as much as the moments at home…they play as hard as they work. These people eat right and exercise daily. Science has proven that these two habits boost energy and mind power! That is right a well balanced diet joined with regular activity makes you smarter. Does it enhance your ambition and decrease your hesitation? Not necessarily – many force themselves to do what they have to do. Some of these people even suffer from low self-esteem and perfectionism. In total, they think negative more than you may assume.

How do you get the most from self-help and positive thinking?

• Pay close attention to your thoughts and change them when necessary.
• Think about what you want to accomplish.
• Listen to yourself and other people.
• Of course, exercise and eat a well-balanced diet.
• Read leading material and watch coaching programs.
• Learn something new every day, or at least acknowledge that you do.
• Spend quality time with family and friends.
• Volunteer your time and share the knowledge that has become wisdom.
• Give of yourself freely without expectation.

If you experience adversity it could be because of negative thinking, in fact, it probably is. Realize that the reason adversities come in threes is that one mishap creates more of the same energy. If you change your thoughts and calm your emotions in times of stress, adversity turns away from you. As Tony Robins says, “We all like surprises when it is something that we like. When we don’t like it, we label them problems!”

The other day my daughter, Kelly, was involved in a power struggle with her two-year old, Grace. Kelly was trying to tie Grace’s shoes, so she could go outside and play. Grace was uninterested in having her shoes tied. Grace’s focus was on what she wanted to do. Kelly related to her, “You can’t go out and play until your shoes are tied.” This comment only seemed to enhance the struggle, as Grace seemed to hear only the first portion of the statement. Following her original statement with, “You can go out as soon as your shoes are tied.” settled the controversy. Again, it was, as if she only heard the first part of what Kelly said.

Eliminating the word “not” or the use of contractions is beneficial to us.

As I watched my granddaughters play, I detected the influence that contractions have on us all. When I saw one of them put something in their mouth and said, “Don’t put that in your mouth.” They looked at me with discouragement as they complied. Later, I tried something new and learned something about myself. I told them to keep the rocks out of their mouth. As soon as they responded, I said, “Thank you.” You see, one approach is passive-aggressive and the other assertive.

This is when it occurred to me that there is a huge difference in telling people what we want and don’t want. We naturally thank people for doing what we want them to, especially with children. It is almost demeaning to a person when we express what we disapprove of, or dislike. Even with adults, it seems that many people only hear the first portion of our statements! When we are assertive, we get results and are non-offensive.

Implications that we express can cause other people to tune us out, as they misinterpret.

Telling a child that you don’t want them to throw their coat on the floor, for example. The first part of the sentence, can cause snags, and leave the child feeling, unapproved of by you. On the other hand, if you tell the child that you want them to hang their coat up, the message is clear. The misgiving that we cause with a passive-aggressive approach, does intimidate. However, the very disapproval that we express, can damage our relationships.

Practice eliminating the word “not” and the use of contractions; it is certainly a challenge. Study the way you feel and the impact you have on yourself and other people. If you stumble and use one of these, simply follow it with what you want. It is amazing how the simplest thing affects us, and how challenging these simplicities are to change. There is more to relations than meets the eye!