While writing the series Helping People to Help Themselves I discovered more concerning the word “should”. When we tell people, what we believe he or she should do it demeans them. In other words, it does not empower them. Even when they ask us, what we would do or what we suppose they should do, it indicates that they are feeling helpless. This is the reason that when we think about what we should do, we feel unsupported. We can actually get a feeling that we are without value. Telling ourselves consciously what we should do is an unworthy way to validate ourselves. However, when we think that we should do something it is usually a competent thing. When you think of something you should do, it normally directs at what you want to achieve. We counsel ourselves with the word should and this can validate us; we have an inner guidance.
To utilize this idea it is essential that you understand that by listening for what you think you should do, and promptly following through you validate yourself. We can validate other people too by listening for what we should do. For example, several months ago I was standing in line at the super market and observing the cashier. The woman ahead of me was being difficult and the cashier, demonstrated patience. I realized how much I admired her and the way that she was handling the situation. I thought, “I should” tell her how much I admired her patience. It can take as little as two-seconds, to do what you think you should do.
For me personally I listen for what I think I should do and usually by willingly doing it, I feel valued. We can accomplish more in our lives if we are willing to listen to ourselves and to what we think we should. Each time I do what I think (perceive) I should do my own self-worth raises. Willingly doing what we hear ourselves think we should do, can be decisive. We are more likely to end up doing what we shouldn’t if we resist the word when it enters our own mind. We may deny ourselves what we want, need and demean ourselves. Procrastination can be the consequence or dismissing what we want because of shyness, guilt and fear. Certainly, we must consider other people, while using this method. However, many times by disregarding what we should do, we disregard other people.
Without an understanding of this word, we end up doing more of what we regret. What would happen if I thought I shouldn’t keep the compliment to myself and then accepted that I should mind my own business? I may have disregarded what I admired in the cashier and avoided an opportunity to show open heartedness to us both. This is the reason that the word shouldn’t effects us far more than the word “should”. I perceive the word should when it comes to me as an authorizing idea. The word should is one that establishes confidence. The more I listen for the word and follow my inner-guidance the more confident I become in the guidance of my own intellect. I provide myself sound advice and trust it. What advice do you give yourself? Do you take action toward your own inner-guidance?