Balanced Rock – Castleford, Idaho
I wish I could have recognized that there was a fine line in everything, sooner. Each aspect of our lives has a distinction that allows us to learn. There is a definite difference in observation and judgment, stubbornness and determination, helping and enabling, etc. This defining contrast, affect our outlook, behavior and actions. In addition, the choices we make in life largely determine how we perceive these fine lines. Understanding where the lines are is helping me in my discipline and attitude, toward myself and other people. It can take many years of reflective thought to discover where that line exists. Each person has different personal boundaries that once crossed causes confusion and chaos.
Before I learned the difference in observation and judgment, I lived on the side of judgment most of the time. Being judgmental seemed to help me use my common sense when dealing with other people and circumstances. It was my way of justifying how I felt and excusing these feelings. Without placing much thought into how I felt concerning myself, I lived by leaping from observation to judgment. Once I discovered the line that defined my action, I developed more balance. With our five senses (commonsense), we notice and with our thoughts, we judge. It would have been nice to understand that I can observe without judging, and still have discernment.
Along with living on the side of judgment the majority of the time, I was stubborn. It is almost as if there is one set of thinking, on one side and another pattern of thought, on the other. Walking that line is next to impossible. Once I understood that the line existed, I could understand when I crossed my own boundary and manage feelings effectively. Being judgmental caused me to be stubborn and this felt like determination. I was determined to see things through my own worldviews and this made changing difficult. Deciding the differences helped me be more determined than ever without the stubborn resistance to other people and their ideas. Knowing where the line was and working with it relieved a lot of my confusion.
During my time of personal boundary hopping, I helped people mainly by enabling them. If someone was unhappy, I tried to fix things for him or her. While raising my children, I overprotected them, and hurt them more than I helped. The line between helping and hurting is one of the most difficult to understand, and requires a great deal of thought. While I bounced from one side to the next I caused chaos in our lives and made our family more dysfunctional. Once I found that line, I implemented balance and we all began to change. I finally understood what it meant to allow another to learn from natural consequences. I began helping my children learn on their own, thus, eliminating the chaos and control issues that are on the side of helping other people to avoid feelings.
I have no regrets and all of my experience in life has taught me how to recognize in myself when and with whom I cross that line. Yes, I still cross over to the side that causes me to feel lousy about myself. However, understanding the fine line that surrounds the issue, I am more able to pull myself around. It is okay to allow another to live on or bounce around their personal boundaries. My behavior and actions largely affect who I am and how I view my life and everyone has their own lines to understand. It would have been great to know that these lines existed before I reached my thirties. Nevertheless, knowing now is what makes the difference in my life today.
Additional Fine Line Areas to Consider
- Anxiety and excitement can feel similar.
- Commonsense and wisdom seems equal.
- Explanations and reasons can seem as if they are the same action.
- The discrepancy between give and get or give and take is subtle.
- Indulgence of a person and authentic caring is unequal.
- Living and existing is a matter of perception.
- Relief from problems and releasing them are distinct.
- Thinking about people or things or thinking of people and things is different.
- The events and things we want and don’t want are closely related.
The main thing that I have recognized during this quest to discover the fine line is equilibrium. Both sides contain an element of blame, excuse and denial if taken too far – we can go too far either direction. Once you discover the fine lines in your thinking you can determine when you are drifting too far off the mark, by the way, you feel. Your feelings guide you and help maintain the balance of negative and positive. Your thinking is that fine line and your feelings relate the distance from it. The cause and effect that we experience allow us to discover where the line is for each of us.
This post was inspired by: “Share your Wisdom in the Life Lessons Series” on Abubakar Jamil.Com. If you are “A Personal Development Blogger” Abubakar invites you to participate and share your wisdom in the “Life Lessons Series”.