I read in a book that people who suffer from anxiety have a fear. Of course, they are afraid of many things. However, the author suggested that their main fear is the fear of being unloved. This underlying belief, unconscious as it may be, can play havoc on our thinking and emotional states. It made sense to me when I read this statement, even with confrontation anxiety! When we are afraid to confront or even assert ourselves in a minor way, we feel the beating of our heart and shakiness. This, many interpret as a fear of rejection. However, it may very well be that we are afraid we are unloved by the person, or we see ourselves as unlovable. It is interesting that anxiety and the symptoms can vary and the effects are something that we can become accustomed to on some level. I used to become nervous when it was necessary for me to stand up for myself. Unless it was very important that I did say something, I avoided it at all costs.
My own experience with anxiety is that it can be a very strong feeling, and we may be so used to feeling it that we hardly notice. Until we overcome these feelings, we may not realize their strength and the need to work through our issues. Once I began to accept myself and learn about loving myself unconditionally my anxiety left me. Of course, real fear still produces the reactions. Like if, I nearly fall from a ladder or something. However, simply talking with someone or stating my views no longer cause me to feel insecure. If my thinking is a little off when I need to talk with someone concerning an issue, I feel slight anxiety. Because I am unaccustomed to feeling this way though, it feels extreme! Once you know what it is like to feel safe, you cannot allow the anxiety to continue. What I mean is that you recognize it sooner, and it leaves you quicker. In addition, you are unwilling to allow yourself to undergo feeling the physical effects.
Avoidance prolongs the effects of anxiety and enhances the fear the next time you are in a situation. It is interesting that the circumstance does not necessarily have to be related to a previous incident! It is the feeling that we attempt to avoid rather than the actual event. That underlying feeling of unworthiness may indeed come from a belief that we are unloved. What do you think is this author onto something here? Do you think as he said in his book, that anxiety comes from a sense of being unloved and even unwanted? What are your experiences with anxiety? Perhaps instead of attempting to become confident and secure in our lives we simply need to accept that we are lovable human beings!