Accepting what happens in our life, is both challenging and rewarding. In my last post, I wrote that everything that is important to you matters. I cannot speak for you. When I tell myself “it doesn’t matter” it is because I am feeling something, I dislike. I may have been discouraged, disappointed, disrespected, and I am feeling insecure. This feeling can be slight or intense, and somehow we think that saying it doesn’t matter makes it okay. We may even think it is a way of letting go of the feelings, and perhaps it is an effective method. You know a kind of like don’t sweat the small stuff, and it’s all small stuff. I think that we can do ourselves more harm than good. By saying it doesn’t matter we can affect our self-worth. In addition, we can distort our outlook of other people involved in “IT.” I asked myself an additional question along with when it will matter. What is it?
This may seem irrelevant but to me the whole proposal has merit, so I am going to write it anyway. Last month I worked for two days washing my steel siding and our house looked fabulous. I felt very competent about the effort I put into the job and last week something transpired. There was a wildfire nearby and a storm blew in, covering my house with soot. I walked outside the next morning and felt disappointed and discouraged. This is something I had no control over, and I heard myself believe, “Oh well it doesn’t matter.” Then I asked myself when would it matter? When I asked what “IT” is a light came on for me! I understand it is unhealthy to make a mountain out of a molehill, but I will list my perception of it below.
- It was about the way I felt concerning what I saw.
- It was about the wildfire and the acreage with the plants and animals.
- It was about my productivity to clean our siding.
- It was about cleaning the siding again.
- It was about the firefighters.
- It was about my husband; it is his property too.
As I reflected on what it is that didn’t matter a welcoming feeling developed. It does matter!
Say, for illustration, that you go on a job interview, and do moderately well. You do not hear back from the corporation for a couple of weeks. You may begin to feel something that you dislike and then ruminate it doesn’t matter. This it is you, the job, the people you interviewed with and maybe your future. It does matter! Now six weeks has gone by, and you get a telephone call from the company, offering you a position. Then, suddenly “IT” matters to you, the job, the corporation, the other people matter. I imagine we try to dismiss more than we may be aware of by telling ourselves “IT” doesn’t matter. This expression rolls off our tongue far too easily. Perhaps another phrase would benefit us better. IT is okay. When will it be okay? It is okay now! Maybe this post is excessively out there but for me, it matters. I witnessed how deep this idea matters to me yesterday.
I had a misunderstanding with the manager of the grocery store, and she became irate. She began to shove her anger, and started wielding her management position at me. The manager wanted to control the event. Furthermore, she wanted to control the cashier and me (we were working together). I am a confident person, and I handled the event well. However, the woman disrespected me as a human being, she abashed her employee, and the event was just one of those things that happen sometimes. It all worked out in the end, and after the manager left the clerk continued to provide excellent service. As I left the store, I thought the whole incident didn’t matter, as it all worked out in the end. It did matter though because there were kindness and respect coming from the cashier. There were patience and insight involved. The manager obviously felt very pressured and embittered and this mattered as well.
Compassion and forgiveness may come more easily to us if we stop saying it doesn’t matter. Our self-esteem can stop taking blows from us if we say it is okay. Every “it” in your life has something to do with you, and normally another person. I conceive that by seeing people and ourselves as an “it”, we may think of people as objects. Of course, this whole idea is for your consideration. I for one though am going with the idea and saying “IT” does matter. You matter; I matter, the world matters, and yes even the windstorms in life matter! Just as “if” is in the middle of “life” the word “it” in the center of “commitment. What is “IT” that makes your life worthwhile? Interestingly I thought that this post is good, and it makes a good point. Afterward I rephrased my reflection “I made a good point with this post.”